Sunday, September 07, 2003

I'm out.
I'm so happy I was in Chi Omega when I changed my mind. They really did understand why I couldn't stay, and so did Ms Irwin. She knew why I needed to leave before I even said anything specific. Greek life just isn't for me. And the other girls in Chi O are still being very nice to me. I'm glad they aren't mad. They're genuinely nice girls and it would really hurt if they suddenly turned on me because of this.
The only thing that made me rethink my desicion at all was a call from Michelle about an hour ago. She didn't know why I was de-pledging, and so I did my best to explain. I knew that there were members of the Sorority that didn't drink, Michelle being one of them. I told her that I understood that, but that I couldn't follow that path. It's hard to admit that you have so little self control. I know that if alcohol is presented to me, I will drink it. I have over 9 generations of alcoholics to prove that. This is not safe behavior. I know that I will not be able to stop myself. I remember saying over and over again last night that "this is my last one". It never was. I know that that would be the story every weekend. I'm not blaming genetics. I'm saying that it serves as a warning for what could happen to me.
She eventually understood, and I think she might actually be coming bowling with a bunch of us on saturday. As long as that isn't the day of the TKE mixer.
Hamilton came down to visit just a few minutes ago. Said that it was "his duty as the house's alpha male to check on his girls." ::laugh:: He really is a nice guy. Plus, it's better to have him for our "alpha male" than Matt ::shudder::. Anyhow, he asked how I felt about my situation and what exactly my reasons were. When I told them again, he understood too. It's nice to know that other people understand your rationale, especially in situations like this. I'm pretty sure Michelle was still a little unsure about why I felt the need to drop out, but I know what makes sense to me.
This may very well be a matter of importance for the rest of my life. My actions in college can affect how I live my life from here on out. I know that because I know my Grandpa, my late Uncle Jimmy whose death can be linked to all those years of hard drinking, and all of "the Greats" (Great-Uncles, Great-Aunts, etc.) who fell to "the curse of the pint".
As silly as I may sound and feel saying it, I know that being exposed to all of that alcohol would be nothing but trouble for me.
Where there is temptation, I'm gonna need to be about 6,000 miles from it. In the future, the occasional drink with friends will be fine. I know that they can watch me. Plus I'd be too busy talking. At these parties there is nothing to do but drink. Being constantly around that, would be a death sentence for me.
Peace.
~Joyce
This transmission logged byErisSaid on 9:43 PM

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