Sunday, September 07, 2003

Well that post went surprisingly well. Too bad last night didn't.
It was only the second time I've ever really drank and I got sick. Not violently, but still sick. I'm almost glad that I did, though. It made getting back to sleep much easier since I no longer had a constant pain in my gut.
If last night is how every saturday night is when you're in a sorority, I think I would probably die, and I say that in all seriousness. With my family history and small build, I have all the ingrediants for getting in to a ton of trouble.
But while I was writhing in pain from getting sick, I figured out exactly what I had to do. I need to talk to Shawna *today*. Not Monday, as Emily suggested. Today there is supposed to be t-shirt making and the first chapter meeting with the new members. I want to get out before I have too much invested in them and they in me. I still have everything I've been given by them, and I'd be happy to give it back if they want it. It's for members, after all. I'm having enough issues with the fact that I'm already in the chapter pictures for this year, but I'll move on from that. I have to.
I really just want to call Shawna right now and get this out of the way before lunchtime, but Emily isn't up yet, and I'm not going to abandon her. I know it's only 9:30 in the morning (I told you I had a crappy night's sleep), but I really wish she would come online. I know exactly what I'm going to say when we get there, too. I really don't want them to think that there is something wrong with the girls in that sorority. They have tried very hard to make us feel involved, but it's just not working for me.
I'm trying very hard to understand what is going on with me right now. From what I can tell, this is about me finding out exactly what and who I am. That's all I can be. I think that alot of this is stemming from the fact that I'm part of the first generation of women in my family to attend university. I guess I wanted to leave a mark. Something that future generations could say about me. I know it sounds rediculous, but that's what I was thinking. But I have to understand that I can really only be me, and this isn't me.
I just heard a *wump* sound on the ceiling, so I think Emily might be up.
Peace.
~ Joyce
This transmission logged byErisSaid on 9:45 AM

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