Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Music: O.K. Go - Don't Ask Me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hate asking people for things.

It really makes me uncomfortable and it always has. And even though I really have no choice, I'm making every possible effort to procrastinate on asking for a letter of recommendation.

I need a recommendation to get in to Law School. It's not optional. The best professor I can think of to ask is my International Law and International Relations of Europe professor, Prof. Ucarer. She's a really nice lady and has already said she'd be happy to write me a letter...but I don't want to ask that of her. It feels like I'm imposing. Like I'm pressuring her to come up with positive things to say about me.

I like to think that I have a pretty good sense of self confidence. I feel generally pretty good about myself, but if I had to write a letter praising myself...I don't think I could do it. Something about shilling for myself on paper just feels...immodest and self-indulgent. Maybe I was a Mayflower Puritan in a past life, but I don't like acting arrogant. I know that saying nice things to get myself in to law school may not be arrogant, but that's how it feels to me.

I like praise (a lot) but I don't really know what to do with it when I get it. My parents'll compliment me on a meal that I cooked and all I can think of to do is wave it off.

How the hell did I develop *this* complex? The rest of my irrationally neurotic personality traits I can at least find a cause for, but this...I've always had this issue and I don't know how it got there.

Weird.

Now I have to go get a silly portrait taken.
This transmission logged byErisSaid on 12:47 PM

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