Monday, May 07, 2007

1:03
It's D-Day. This is the day when i have to know about my status with UNC Chapen Hill's law program. It's currently 1:03 and there's no news just yet. I was going to wait to start this post until I got word...but word should have come about an hour ago.

I'm physically shaking. I just need to know at this point so I can get on with my life. The letter from UNC said that this had to be the day we find out, either by traditional mail or by calling the admissions office in the event that we don't get our mail. I've called home twice. I made my mother promise yesterday that she would call me no matter what the results. I'm stuck at work until 5 today regardless of what happens. Win or lose I'm going nowhere. She hasn't picked up the phone which makes me think (a) she's too far in the backyard to have heard the mail truck arrive and isn't wearing a watch, (b) the mail actually hasn't arrived yet (it's later on Mondays from the weekend backlog), or (c) she's so busy crying that she can't answer the phone.

I've tried calling UNC but no one is answering. Probably because it's lunch time. They told me my application was still under review the last time I called so I believe that I will be able to find out the final decision over the phone.

I'm gonna go sit under my desk for a few minutes....maybe that will help the shakes...

1:15
Now have huge fucking bruise from where I knocked my leg against the keyboard tray under my desk. Son of a bitch.

1:22
Third phonecall home. No answer. Getting up the courage to call UNC again. Afraid they might answer.

1:36
It's over. Mail came in and my mother called. Rejected from UNC Chapel Hill. At least now I know...At least I know...
I'm still on the Wait List for American University, but I'm not expecting much out of that.

I guess it's over now. I'll have the pity party later. For now...I'm at work. I gotta do my work.

But at least I know...

3:15
I'm cold. It's 64 degrees out but I'm cold. I also can't decide if I'm hungry or sick to my stomach. One of the lawyers came by and when I informed him why I looked so down he immediately started in on how they probably gave away all the spots in the schools to minorities, trying to make me feel better, I guess. I know that's not what happened. There must have been some reason for all of this, and I doubt I'm the victim of reverse racism.

I haven't cried yet. I know I'm going to at some point, but it would be nice to at least keep it together for the next hour and 45 minutes. If it were any other day I'd be home right now...but it's today so that's not an option. I can't decide if I want to see people tonight or not. One of my biggest complaints is that I'm sitting here alone right now, but even when someone was here it didn't help. I'd just bum the hell out of anyone I came across but I still feel like I want company. That's not fair, I know but I feel like shit that Matt's only home for a few more days and I've only seen him twice so far and not even for that long either time.

I don't want to drink. I don't want to take something. I just want to stare at the wall for awhile. More than anything, I don't want to get in to discussions about the future right now. I need some time to work this out. And I know that's the one thing I'm not going to get from my parents.
This transmission logged byErisSaid on 1:03 PM

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